i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
