i need an iv and a liver transplant
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
