I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
