Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
