oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
