were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
