Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
