some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
