I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
