Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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