Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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