Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
