Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
