I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
this is an emotional support booty call
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
