I'm sorry my penis didn't work
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
