Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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