The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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