What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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