Having a random hookup so left but love u
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
