Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
