I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she told me i tasted like america
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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