I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you never un-have a 4some
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
