At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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