nut hugger
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
