I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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