So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize