I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
