the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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