Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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