Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
