so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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