Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He did a backflip because drugs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
