i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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