she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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