well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
