i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
