Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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