Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
