He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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