When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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