You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
