I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize