His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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