Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
