You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
