I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize