Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
