So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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