I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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