this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
