Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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