so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
