Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
