my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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