"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
