We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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