Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
