watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
