I think im going to throw up on grandma
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize