were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's blow job season.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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