i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
