I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
