i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
