Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
