Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize