I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
