Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
