Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
