I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
