saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
